Daily Life & Caregiving
If you’ve ever found yourself saying…
“She won’t eat anymore.”
“He says he’s not hungry.”
“She only wants sweets.”
“He loved this meal last week!”
…you’re not alone.
Mealtime changes are one of the most common challenges families face when caring for someone living with dementia. They can also be some of the most emotional. When a loved one refuses food or no longer seems interested in drinking water, we become very worried – and understandably so.
The good news is this:
There are many, many things we can try when eating and drinking become a challenge. And the more we understand why eating becomes difficult, the better equipped we are to respond with patience, creativity, and compassion.
Why Eating Becomes More Difficult
Most people think of dementia as a disease of memory, but it affects so much more than remembering names or appointments.
The brain is responsible for recognizing hunger, identifying food, concentrating on a meal, coordinating movements, processing sights and sounds, and understanding what is happening around us.
As dementia changes the brain, eating naturally becomes more challenging.
A person may have difficulty:
- Recognizing that they’re hungry or thirsty.
- Remembering they’ve already eaten – or that it’s time to eat.
- Recognizing foods that suddenly seem unfamiliar.
- Staying focused long enough to finish a meal.
- Using utensils that once felt automatic.
- Processing several foods or choices at the same time.
These are changes in the brain – not choices the person is making.
What’s “Normal?”
We all start to worry when we see the person having new changes or new struggles. And we often wonder, “Is this normal?” Every person living with dementia is different, but families often notice changes like these:
- Eating more slowly.
- Leaving meals unfinished.
- Becoming distracted while eating.
- Wanting the same foods repeatedly.
- Preferring sweeter foods.
- Forgetting how to use utensils or using them differently.
- Saying they’ve already eaten.
- Needing gentle encouragement to continue.
Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that dementia isn’t always consistent.
One day your loved one may enjoy a full meal. The next day they may barely touch it.
That doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong – it often reflects the day-to-day changes that come with dementia.
Refusal Isn’t Always About the Food
When someone says, “I’m not hungry,” or pushes their plate away, we naturally take those words at face value.
But dementia teaches us to become detectives – and to see behavior as communication.
Sometimes “I don’t want it” really means:
- “I’m overwhelmed.”
- “I’m too tired.”
- “I don’t recognize this.”
- “I’m in pain or discomfort.”
- “There’s too much happening around me.”
- “I’m anxious.”
- “Something doesn’t feel right, but I can’t explain it.”
The words may stay the same, but the meaning behind them can be very different.
When we pause to wonder what the person might be experiencing instead of simply reacting to what they say, we open the door to more compassionate, person-centered care. And we open the door to discovering possible solutions.
The Best Place to Start: Know Your Person
If there’s one thing we hope you take away from this week’s blog, it’s this:
Successful meals begin with knowing the individual.
There are countless ideas for helping someone living with dementia eat and drink more successfully. Throughout this month, we’ll share many of them. But every one of those strategies works best when it’s built on a deep understanding of the individual.
Person-centered care begins long before the meal is served.
Think about the people you love. Chances are, you know exactly how they take their coffee, which restaurant they’ll choose every time, what foods they avoid, and which dessert they never pass up.
We’re no different.
Food is deeply personal.
It reflects our culture, our traditions, our comfort, our routines, and even our personalities.
Some people have always preferred a light breakfast. Others aren’t hungry until mid-morning. Some enjoy three meals a day, while others have always grazed throughout the day. One person may reach for iced tea at every meal, while another wouldn’t dream of eating without a glass of milk.
Now imagine having all of those preferences…but struggling to communicate them.
Imagine being served foods you don’t enjoy, at a time of day you’ve never liked to eat, in a room that’s noisy and overwhelming – and not having the words to explain why it doesn’t feel right.
Dementia doesn’t erase a lifetime of habits and preferences. In fact, familiar foods, routines, and traditions often become even more meaningful as the disease progresses.
The better we know the person, the better we can create mealtime experiences that feel familiar, comforting, and successful.
Everything else we’ll discuss this month – creating a supportive environment, encouraging hydration, and responding to common mealtime challenges – starts here.
This Week at Your Table
This week, don’t worry about changing the menu or trying new strategies. Instead, spend some time getting to know the person behind the plate.
Here are a few ideas to get started:
- Create a Mealtime Profile. Write down favorite foods, favorite drinks, lifelong routines, preferred mealtimes, foods they dislike, cultural traditions, and family recipes that bring comfort. Get detailed. How did they take their coffee? How do they prefer their toast? Think of all the details you would want someone to know if you couldn’t communicate them yourself.
- Engage others who know your loved one well. Ask questions like, “What meal always made Mom smile?” or “What was Dad’s favorite restaurant?” Those memories can become valuable clues for creating meaningful mealtime experiences.
- Begin noticing patterns without changing anything yet. When does your loved one seem most interested in eating? Are there foods, routines, or times of day that seem more comfortable or successful?
- Pause before changing anything. This week is about learning, not fixing. Sometimes the most powerful first step is simply observing.
Next week, we’ll build on that foundation by exploring how small changes to the environment, routines, and the way we invite someone to the table can help create calmer, more successful mealtimes.
We are with you and cheering you on.
