Daily Life & Caregiving
When someone you love is living with dementia, it’s easy to feel like your job is to take everything off their plate. Cook the meals. Fold the laundry. Water the plants. Sweep the porch. You do it because you care, because it’s faster, because you’re trying to be kind.
But here’s the beautiful truth: your loved one still wants to help. In fact, they need to.
People with dementia may struggle with memory or decision-making, but their desire to be useful — to contribute, to care for their surroundings, to feel a sense of purpose — remains strong. It’s part of what makes us human. And giving someone the opportunity to be productive in a way that’s familiar to them isn’t just “nice.” It’s essential.
A Moment I’ll Never Forget
I remember visiting a memory care community one afternoon and noticing a woman sitting quietly in the corner. Her face was blank, her body still. She seemed completely disengaged—like the world was happening around her, not with her. Staff gently offered her snacks, conversation, even music, but nothing seemed to connect.
Then something simple happened: we handed her a bowl and asked, “Would you mind helping us stir this?”
At first, nothing. Then, slowly, she reached for the spoon. Her hand started to move in a gentle circle. And then — she stood up. She began stirring with purpose. Her expression changed. There was life in her eyes. She even began humming softly as if her body and spirit suddenly remembered something joyful.
It was incredible. In just a few moments, she had gone from withdrawn to engaged, simply because someone saw her not as a person to be cared for, but a person who could still contribute.
That moment sticks with me because it’s a perfect example of why purposeful activity matters. Sometimes all it takes is the right invitation—and a little trust that there’s still so much more within.
Why Productivity Matters More Than Perfection
Research (and lived experience!) tells us that familiar, purposeful activity releases feel-good brain chemicals like dopamine and serotonin. Think of these like a warm cup of tea for the nervous system—calming, centering, and uplifting.
When someone with dementia gets to do something they’ve always done — like watering the houseplants they used to tend so lovingly, or folding towels the way they always did after laundry day — it creates a spark of recognition. Their brain remembers the rhythm of the task. Their body remembers how it feels. They feel successful, and you get to witness a beautiful moment of “Hey, I’ve got this.”
Even simple routines like sweeping the porch, setting the table, or organizing the junk drawer can ignite that powerful sense of I belong and I matter.
The Memory That Stays: The Strength of Muscle Memory
One of the most surprising and hopeful things about dementia is this: short-term memory is often the first to go, but long-term memory — especially task-related memory — can stick around far longer.
That means even if your loved one can’t remember what they had for breakfast or what day it is, they might still remember exactly how to make the bed, or wash dishes, or iron a shirt. It’s called procedural memory, and it lives deep in the brain’s wiring.
This kind of memory is like riding a bike — once you learn it, your body tends to hold onto it, even when other types of memory fade. That’s why someone might light up and start humming while sweeping the floor or tying an apron — those motions and patterns are familiar, comforting, and accessible.
So if you’re ever wondering, “Would they even remember how to do this?” — give it a try. Start the motion yourself. Hand them the item. Guide their hand with your hand. Use visual or tactile cues. You might be amazed at how their hands remember what their mind forgot.
How to Incorporate Purpose
- Make it familiar. The magic happens when the activity feels like them. Was Dad a mechanic? Let him sort and shine a box of old tools. Did Mom run a tight household? Ask her to show you how she used to fold towels. Was your aunt a teacher? Let her review coloring pages or lead a story time. These aren’t chores — they’re ways to connect with who they’ve always been.
- Keep it simple. Skip anything too complex or multi-step. One-task-at-a-time is best. If it feels confusing, break it down or model it.
- Stay safe. No sharp tools, hot stoves, or stairs if mobility’s a concern.
- Don’t correct. If the towels are folded “wrong,” let it go. This isn’t about perfect linens — it’s about an affirming moment.
Adapting Activities: It’s Not About What They Can’t Do
One of the biggest mindset shifts in dementia care is moving from “they can’t do that because they have dementia” to “how can we adapt this so they still can?” Almost every activity can be modified to match a person’s current abilities—cognitively, physically, and emotionally. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s participation, connection, and confidence.
Start by asking:
- What part of this task do they still enjoy or understand?
- What used to be meaningful or familiar?
- Can I simplify the steps or provide visual or tactile cues?
- Is there a way to do this seated or with lighter materials?
- How much help is just enough?
This is what occupational therapists call the “just right” amount of support — not doing it for them, but not leaving them to struggle either. You’re creating the sweet spot where they can feel successful with a little help.
💡 Example:
If someone used to bake every Sunday but now gets overwhelmed by too many steps or instructions, adapt it:
- Pre-measure the ingredients and label them with big, simple numbers.
- Let them do the stirring, pouring, or adding sprinkles.
- Use a boxed mix instead of a recipe from scratch.
- Play their favorite music while you work to make it fun and familiar.
Even if the end result is lumpy muffins and a messy counter, they helped. And they probably smiled. That’s the win.
So whether it’s gardening, painting, organizing, or folding towels — don’t scrap the activity. Just reshape it. Strip it down to what still brings joy and pride, and build from there.
And here’s another powerful truth: being helpful can be one of the best tools for behavior management. When someone with dementia is anxious, agitated, or stuck in a loop of worry, inviting them to help with something can redirect that energy into something productive and calming. Instead of saying “don’t do that” or “calm down,” try saying, “Could you help me with this?” or “I need your advice.” Giving someone a role and a task — even a simple one — can ease frustration and create a sense of control, dignity, and peace.
Making It Part of the Routine: Care Plans with Purpose
One of the best ways to make purposeful activity stick is to build it right into the daily routine and care plan. Just like meals, medications, and hygiene, meaningful tasks deserve a place on the schedule. Think of it as “purposeful time,” not “free time.” Whether it’s folding laundry after breakfast, checking the garden in the afternoon, or helping set the table before dinner, anchoring these familiar tasks into the rhythm of the day helps the person feel more secure and engaged. Work with your care team — or if you’re a care partner, with your fellow staff — to identify what this person used to love doing or feel good doing, and adapt it for today’s abilities. Person-centered care means who they are, shapes what they do, and when daily life reflects their story, it becomes more comfortable, connected, and empowering.
We All Need Purpose
Here’s the thing—purpose isn’t just a dementia care strategy. It’s a human need. Every one of us wants to feel useful, needed, and part of something. It’s what gets us out of bed in the morning and helps us sleep better at night. Purpose gives our days shape and meaning. When we feel like we matter—whether we’re nine or ninety, cognitively sharp or living with dementia — our mental health improves, our mood lifts, and our overall well-being thrives. That doesn’t change just because someone has memory loss. In fact, in a world that may feel increasingly confusing or disorienting, a sense of purpose becomes even more essential. It grounds us. It reminds us that we’re still us. And for many, having a job to do — even a small one — can be a powerful antidote to sadness, anxiety, or stress. It creates a sense of normalcy, belonging, and joy in the everyday.
In a World That Can Feel Confusing, Purpose Brings Peace
At Dementia Life STL, we believe productivity doesn’t have to mean doing more — it means finding meaning in what we can do. For someone with dementia, being part of caring for their home, their space, and their people brings comfort, confidence, and connection.
So the next time your loved one says, “Let me help,” let them.
Give them the duster. Hand them the laundry basket. Invite them to stir the soup.
Let them show you that even now, they still have so much to give.
💬 Have a story to share about a loved one and their favorite “daily job”? We’d love to hear it! Comment below or message us—your story could inspire another caregiver to try something new.
